dream realm

2012-01-30T08:25:00.001-08:00

i tried so hard
so hard so hard
but i just couldnt do it this time

why can't somebody just kill me
people get killed everyday, right?
why can't it be me.

2011-10-14T07:04:00.000-07:00

2011-10-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

2011-10-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

The Listing Attic (by Edward Gorey)

My Grand daddy used to read this to me.

2011-10-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

2011-10-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

2011-10-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

Arthur Packham - Rhinegold

2011-10-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

2011-10-04T08:14:00.001-07:00

The spinning of heads

The spinning ahead

He said to me

He knew evil

Life in reverse

Life out of balance

Stupid as it sounds

Like a wolf running

Cross country -

In every field

A trap waits - along with it's owner

Like someone said about

The hunter

As soon as he stops

He becomes the hunted

I am the cunning animal -

I am the hunter

The life I never read

Is my youth now dead?

Rise, rise, rise...

The swirling sound of swastikas

Like rotor-blades of thought

Threshing the wheat

Out from the chaff

All this is a dream

The mother clouds

Si quidem deus inquit

'Est unde mala?'

Bona vero unde, si non est?

All this is a dream

All those who worship

The broken demons of the past

Are in love with the dead

This is the cross you bear

They worship the dead and

Lo and behold this is no mystery

When I say that they in turn

Become the dead themselves

Even before they die

First the heart dies

Then the body dies

Then the soul dies

Si quidem deus inquit

'Est unde mala?'

Bona vero unde, si non est?

Every dead eternally then

All this is a dream

Then they are caught

Eternally

In this trinity of

Deathdeathdeath

There is no escape from this

Cycle and circle

Of utter desolation

The despised by man

The despised by angels

The despised by the gods

The despised by the devils

The despised by the

Satanic one himself

All this is a dream

Si quidem deus inquit

'Est unde mala?'

Bona vero unde, si non est?

First death then second

Altogether dead you were,

Anyway

It's a dream...

Altogether dead you are

Altogether dead you shall be

It's a dream, it's a dream

From the corner of my mind

The swirling sound of the orchestra

From the corner of my lips

The words have already

Fallen like honey

From the corner of my eye

A million birds of dreamy

Image wing

It's a dream, it's a dream, it's a dream...

2011-07-02T11:05:00.001-07:00

RLUEI

avoidant, withdrawn, not usually happy, does not believe in human goodness, loner, moody, avoids crowds, depressed, overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings frequently, agnostic/atheistic tendencies, unsure where life is going, impatient, avoids eye contact, does not think things work out for the best, discontent, negative, suspicious of others, uncooperative, socially uncomfortable, hard to get to know, not punctual, low self confidence, pessimistic, lonely, does not finish work on time, does not like to lead, attracted to things associated with sadness, ambivalent about the problems of others, feels defective, fears failure, often bored, ambivalent about the suffering of others, unproductive, avoids unnecessary interaction, easily frustrated, does not finish many things, lower energy level, focuses on fantasies instead of reality, ambivalent about the needs of others, easily annoyed, rarely prepared, disorganized, quiet around strangers, slow to forgive, hard to understand, not that interested in others, skeptical, wounded at the core, self absorbed

2011-07-01T23:15:00.000-07:00

experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
feeling guilty when I disappoint people
feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
expecting too much from myself and life
fearing being abandoned
obsessing over resentments
longing for what I don't have

4th enneagram type

2011-07-01T22:55:00.001-07:00

Aquarius is most closely associated with Visshuda, the throat chakra. It is colored blue, providing intuitive powers and contact with other worlds.

2011-07-01T22:36:00.000-07:00

Aspects

Planet Aspect Planet Orb/Value

Sun Conjunction Moon 4.10 311

Sun Conjunction Mercury 0.20 487

Moon Conjunction Mercury 4.30 374

Moon Trine Jupiter 7.20 12

Moon Trine Midheaven 4.51 35

Venus Sextile Uranus 1.11 183

Venus Sextile Neptune 0.58 178

Venus Trine Pluto 5.02 58

Mars Square Jupiter 2.29 -32

Mars Opposition Uranus 6.50 -22

Mars Opposition Neptune 7.03 -17

Mars Square Midheaven 0.00 -30

Jupiter Trine Saturn 4.12 64

Jupiter Square Uranus 4.21 -22

Jupiter Square Neptune 4.34 -17

Jupiter Sextile Ascendant 2.09 46

Jupiter Conjunction Midheaven 2.29 150

Saturn Trine Midheaven 6.41 10

Uranus Conjunction Neptune 0.13 196

2104 -140 1964

Asteroids & Chiron

Chiron Leo 23.04 R

Ceres Aquarius 29.17

Pallas Aquarius 3.58

Juno Cancer 5.51 R

Vesta Capricorn 12.04

Fortune Aries 0.00

South node Aries 0.00

2011-06-20T22:40:00.000-07:00

2011-06-18T04:02:00.000-07:00

30 Day Astrology Challenge
Astrology Challenge Days 16-30

Each day you will be provided with a different link. Those links lead back to the same site, but are different aspects of astrology, such as Chinese astrology or soul mate astrology. Enjoy!

16.
Today you will find happiness in the things that you sometimes take for granted. It is a great day to focus your time on favorite places and activities and people.

17.
My birthday color is pink:
You are a caring and loving person who likes to please others. You want to live up to the standards you and others set for you, so you are always trying your best in everything. You like to help and care for other people, and you make a wonderful and supportive friend. But you are not easily satisfied. ~~Sometimes~~ you have negative thoughts.

It is hard for the opposite sex to live up to your expectations, because you look for romantic love like in a fairy tale.

18.
(I'm not that much of a cuddler, I'm passive and I don't even touch anyone without permission but otherwise it's accurate)

When you fall in love, you really fall in love! You have an intense personality and your emotions, while sometimes well hidden, run very deep.

When you get involved with someone romantically, you put your entire heart and soul into the relationship. You hold nothing back, and that sometimes scares people who aren't up to your level of commitment. That's okay though, because you need someone who can love you back as strongly as you love them.

You are very open-minded and you believe in trying anything once. Your energy for love is quite amazing, and you could kiss your sweetie for hours without getting tired of it! You also have a tender, nurturing side and you love to "baby" your partner.

You can get possessive, so watch out for that.

19.
Apparently I could only be happy in a relationship with Gemini.
Which is not true I think. I always end up falling in love with Pisces.
But it's pathetic anyway.

20
I'm either the Rooster or Monkey. Rooster is completely inaccurate so I'll go with Monkey then.

21.
According to this legend I was born under an Elm Tree. I generally agree with this description except that I can't make decisions and I'm a poor leader. And I do make huge demands. And I'm not cheerful.

22.
I don't remember what Jellybean said but this description is 1/4 accurate.

23.
It's mostly true.

24.
First part of the description on this site is not accurate but the other one is a bit.
I remember nothing of my early years of childhood but I remember a lot from my later years.
I was too proud, too stubborn, and I always, always wanted to be alone and read or daydream and live inside my imagination.

25.
No, I don't read horoscopes everyday but I sometimes read monthly horoscopes in magazines, they are always completely inaccurate. But nothing is ever accurate in magazines.

26.
I believe a little in Natal and Judicial astrology. I made a lot of research according to the results from my Natal chart, and I believe it was mosty accurate. I would rather not talk about Judicial astrology.

27.
No.

28.
I read my tarot several times but I don't think I'm experienced enough to consider my results seriously. I've never been to a professional but I want to learn to be better. Also I really like to explore natal charts for myself and others.

29.
I don't believe or depend on astrology when it comes to my future, because I don't believe it affects our future so much. I only believe it is one of the factors that make us into the people we are, affects our personality and so on.

30.
No because I don't have any.

2011-06-16T21:40:00.000-07:00

i miss my little Goma

2011-06-13T21:35:00.000-07:00

30 Day Astrology Challenge

Astrology Challenge Days 1-15

01. (bolded - true for mslf)

Aquarius is all about changing the world.

Aquarians are visionaries who want to make the world a better place, or at least make it work better. They are good at getting others involved in this process, which is why they usually have many friends and acquaintances.

Aquarians are just like "mad scientists", using their near-genius intelligence to come up with amazing, inventive ideas that they share with anyone who will listen. They also believe they are always right, and they can be very impatient and argumentative with anyone who disagrees with them.

Aquarians are all about technology and they love getting and figuring out the latest gadgets, games and computer programs. They can seem a bit computer-like themselves sometimes, acting cold and impersonal when they're obsessed with an idea or project. But they really do have good motives for all this craziness.

Aquarians are big-hearted people who want to do great things for humanity. They even have an artistic bent, and many become musicians, artists or graphic designers. Aquarians are true individualists and freedom-lovers. This is why they need a lot of personal space in relationships. They also love to travel.

02. (I generally disagree with this section. Bolded the writers I read/things I agree with. I only moderately like Verne and LeGuin)

Aquarians are inventive, scientific-minded people with highly imaginative minds. They enjoy books that look into the future and explore strange new worlds and postulate wild new ideas.

Science fiction and adventure fiction are "way out" enough to keep up with the fast-forward Aquarius. Aquarians will love the classic science fiction novels of authors Ray Bradbury, Frank Herbert, Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, William Gibson, Ursula K. LeGuin, Philip K, Dick, Jules Verne, and Robert Heinlein.

Exploration books, histories of scientific discoveries and books that explain "how things work" are also popular with these folks.

03.

Adventure travel guide
Airline personnel
Alternative healer
Anthropologist
Astrologer
Astronaut
Consultant
Electrician
Entrepreneur
Extreme sports professional
Inventor
Humanitarian
Legislator
Market researcher
Mechanic Navigator
Paleontologist
Pilot
Senator
Sociologist
Science fiction writer

04. (It's all wrong)

05. (I am not interested in this section, and indifferent about the people listed in it)

06. (I love purple and pink in all variations. I agree with this section.)

Violet is a variation of the color purple. Like the Aquarian person, violet is mysterious, and is associated with both nobility and spirituality. The opposites of hot red and cool blue combine to create this intriguing color.

The color violet has a special, almost sacred place in nature. The flowers of violet-colored plants, such as violets and orchids, are often delicate and considered precious. Because violet-purple is derived from the mixing of a strong warm and strong cool color, it has both warm and cool properties, just like Aquarius people.

Violet elements used in room decor can boost a child's imagination or an artist's creativity. However, too much violet in one's surroundings can result in moodiness.

Violet-purle was the favorite color of Egypt's great Queen Cleopatra. It has been traditionally associated with royalty in many cultures. It is also the color of mourning for widows in modern Thailand.

It is worth noting that in most languages, violet is simply called blue (think of the rhyme, "Roses are red, violets are blue").

07. (bolded = true for mslf)

People born under this sign approach life intellectually, but they must remember to pay attention to their body and to get plenty of low-impact exercise (like walking, swimming and bicycling) to keep their circulation flowing.

However, Aquarians sometimes have weak ankles and they should be careful not to overstress them with high impact sports like running or high-impact aerobics.

Vitamins and eating right can keep Aquarians at their fittest. They especially need to get plenty of magnesium (found in pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, edamame, spinach, salmon, halibut and black beans) in their diets.

Aquarians also heal well with acupuncture and chiropractic medicine, because those healing arts deal with the nervous system and energy.

08. (bolded = true for mslf) I generally disagree. I am jealous and possessive, but very submissive.

When it comes to love, Aquarians are playful and flirtatious. They're not frivolous though - they're playing for keeps, looking for their one true love.

Aquarians need a lot of time to themselves in relationships and they are happy to give the same freedom to their romantic partner. This makes them the least jealous sign in the zodiac. They are loyal and supportive and make strong, dependable mates.

They are also very artistic and while they are not that into romance, they can show a mushier side when they find that special someone.

09. (bolded = true for mslf)

Movies that are weird, futuristic, idealistic or different in any way will capture the attention of the Aquarius movie-goer.

Some films that Aquarians will enjoy include "The Matrix" series, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", "Event Horizon", "12 Monkeys", "Gattaca" and "Planet of the Apes."

Kooky, offbeat comedies like "I Heart Huckabees", "Rushmore", "Happy Go Lucky", "Drop Dead Gorgeous" and "Dick" are also good movies for fun-loving Aquarius.

In addition, these folks are curious about independent films and foreign films.

10. (This section is wrong )

11. (I mostly agree with this section. I would prefer not to go to any restaurants though. I'd much more enjoy ice-cream than any of the ethnic food)

12. (I disagree with this section. I love swimming and diving. I'd like to try white water rafting)

13. (bolded = true for mslf)

Aquarians adore watching television, and they have a split personality when it comes to the TV shows they like.

On the one hand, they want to change the world so they love watching news programs and shows that give glimpses of other countries, like "The Lonely Planet" and Discovery Channel series.

On the other hand, Aquarians are big fans of science fiction, so shows like the "Star Trek" series (TNG, Voyager, etc.), "Battlestar Gallactica", "Supernatural", "Charmed" and "Third Rock from the Sun" reruns will be right up their alley.

Aquarians are also suckers for a madcap comedy, especially when they do an ironic take on real-world affairs. "The Colbert Report", "Saturday Night Live" and "The Daily Show" will fit the bill.

14.

Costa Rica
Greece
India
~~Mexico~~
New York City
~~Texas~~
~~Venezuela~~

15.

Amethyst is the beautiful purple precious stone. This naturally occuring gemstone is a form of quartz crystal. Its primary ingredient is sand.

Just like Aquarius, amethyst is deeply and uniquely spiritual. It is said to be one of the best stones to use for meditation. Symbolizing divine love and global awareness, the amethyst guides the awareness away from self-centered thought patterns, as it lures the mind towards a deeper understanding.

When Aquarians wear amethyst, they experience its calming mental effect quite strongly. It is a known remedy for over-stress and overwhelming emotions, and can help to treat migraine headaches. It's good for Aquarians who tend to be easily angered or suffer from recurrent nightmares, because it promotes mental peace and harmony.

The amethyst is also believed to give protection to those who wear it.

Amethysts in Legend:

In ancient Greece, the amethyst was thought to preserve clarity of mind. Leonardo Da Vinci wrote that the amethyst dissipated evil thoughts and quickened intelligence. Amethysts are abundant in the British Crown Jewels, and partly for this reason, the color purple has come to symbolize royalty. Because the amethyst was believed to promote piety and celibacy in the Middle Ages, it was a popular ornamentation for religious purposes in this era of history.

2011-06-09T21:47:00.000-07:00

delicious

2011-06-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Very High
Schizoid:	High
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Very High
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

2011-06-04T20:43:00.000-07:00

This body

grown fragile, floating,

a reed cut from its roots

If a stream would ask me

to follow, I’d go, I think.

— Ono no Komachi

Now only

Thoughts of it

Fill my mind;

To forget, even more

Pain is what I want!

— Izumi Shikibu

2011-06-03T23:26:00.000-07:00

2011-06-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

"It doesn't matter... I only need you... Only you... So don't go anywhere okay"

But Mimi was nobody's kitten.

"Meow" said Mimi one crisp, sunny morning.

"I shall have to find a special friend who is my very own"

Good-bye little Kitty!

I'm running away.

Yes, little Kitty,

Don't ask me to stay.

2011-05-31T21:30:00.000-07:00

空の彼方に浮かぶは雲

The clouds are floating in the sky.

嗚呼我が恋愛の名において

Ahh, In the name of my love,

その暴虐の仕打ちさえ　もはやただ甘んじて許す

I will just contentedly forgive even your violence to me.

牛のように豚のように殺してもいい

You can kill me like a cow, like a pig.

いいのよ我一塊の肉塊なり

It’s ok, I’m just a piece of meat.

ライ　ラ　ライ　ラ　ライ、ライ　ラ　ライ　ラ　ライ

Lai La Lai La Lai, Lai La Lai La Lai

我一塊の肉塊なり

I’m just a piece of meat.

空に消えゆくお昼のドン

The sound of explosion in the noon disappears in the sky.

嗚呼我が恋愛は終止せり

Ahh, my love is over.

あの泥流の恩讐が　もはやただあとかたもなしや

That volcanic mud flow of thankfullness and grudge has already disappeared.

愕然とする間もなく腐敗し始める

It starts rotting without time to be surprised.

我一塊の肉塊なり

I’m just a piece of meat.

ライ　ラ　ライ　ラ　ライ、ライ　ラ　ライ　ラ　ライ

Lai La Lai La Lai, Lai La Lai La Lai

我一塊の肉塊なり

I’m just a piece of meat.

2011-05-31T04:25:00.000-07:00

zodiac in degrees 0.00 placidus orb:0

Sun Aquarius 3.09 Moon Aquarius 7.18 Mercury Aquarius 2.49 Venus Pisces 20.10 Mars Cancer 12.09 R Jupiter Libra 14.38 Saturn Aquarius 18.50 Uranus Capricorn 18.59 Neptune Capricorn 19 Pluto Scorpio 25.12 Lilith Pisces 11.01 Asc node Sagittarius 20.46	Ascendant Sagittarius 12.30 II Capricorn 20.04 III Pisces 5.28 IV Aries 12.09 V Taurus 7.39 VI Taurus 26.38 VII Gemini 12.30 VIII Cancer 20.04 IX Virgo 5.28 Midheaven Libra 12.09 XI Scorpio 7.39 XII Scorpio 26.38	Sun in II Moon in II Mercury in II Venus in III Mars in VII Jupiter in Midheaven Saturn in II Uranus in Ascendant Neptune in Ascendant Pluto in XI Lilith in III Asc node in Ascendant

Aquarius is ruled both by Saturn and Uranus.
In the astrological chart, Uranus is considered a "transpersonal", an extramundane, spiritual planet, reflecting a function that is beyond one-self and beyond social structures. It does not constitute a part of the basic psychological make-up of the personality, but rather lends itself to whatever personal planet it is aspecting.
In astronomy mythology, Uranus was the lord of the skies and husband of Earth. He was also the king of the gods until he was overthrown by his son Saturn.

In astrological graphical symbolism illustrates the idea that the crescent ov receptivity, , the personality, submits to the restrictions ov matter, . Saturn is known as the Greater Malefic, the bringer ov sorrow, and the one who deprives. But Saturn only brings sorrow and deprivation in those areas ov a person’s life that are based on illusions or unrealistic expectations. Saturn represents the unrelenting aspect ov reality that forces the individual to abandon all ideas that are not based on a realistic perception ov the material conditions ov life.

My sun is in Aquarius:
Keywords:
original, Independent, progressive, pioneering, intellectual, compassionate, eccentric

The Shadow Side:
dogmatic, stubborn, rigid, remote, detached, isolated

Quality and Element:
Fixed and Air

The Sun in Aquarius has been called the “rebel” of the zodiac because of their total commitment to their unique vision. They’re uncompromisingly anchored in their own lives, and grant that same autonomy to others. This can make them seem detached and friendly at the same time, with an innate sense that everyone should “do their own thing.”

My moon is in Aquarius:
Those with the Moon in Aquarius seem to have access to the mysteries of the universe through their inner lives. It’s as if they know something the rest of us don’t. There’s an emotionally detached quality to them that gives them a cool head in times of crisis, but can also make them seem as remote as a distant galaxy.

My Mercury is in Aquarius:
Those who were born with their Mercury in Aquarius have detached, abstract and inventive minds that are prone to great washes of insight. Rapid thinkers, their thoughts travel constantly and in a rather disorganized fashion. Instead of coming in as a clear picture, ideas are like the dots in a pointillism painting that only make sense when the whole is put together. But there is logic to the thoughts, however chaotic their arrival may be. That logic is often lost on others who deem this person to be eccentric- until their "odd" ways turn out to have been correct.

My Saturn is in Aquarius:
Saturn in Aquarius is in a strong position, since with Uranus it is a co-ruler of Aquarius. Saturn's test in Aquarius is to grow in one's openness and fairness to all: to be responsible for an awareness of the brotherhood of all mankind. You will be frequently asked to put your own personality aside, and to be representative of a larger and more universal consciousness. When Saturn is unafflicted here, your can be strong, impersonal, just, scientific, and universal in outlook. If afflicted, you may have to work on not being cold, unloving or opinionated, and would tend to resent being told anything that wasn't to your liking. It's important that you keep your circulation flowing with this position. Saturn returns to each sign once every 29 or 30 years for about a three-year stay. Saturn was in Aquarius from 2/1932 to 2/1935, from 1/1962 to 12/1964, and from 2/1991 to 1/1994.

My Venus is in Pisces:
People born with their Venus in Pisces are tender hearted and compassionate when it comes to romantic relationships. They feel somewhat lost without understanding and love. This need is so strong that they will cycle through the highs and lows of being in then out of love. They are understanding and caring but also very dependent on their partner- to the point of neurosis. But this vulnerability is soft enough that it can draw in potential partners. Their warm personality will make those partners want to sit down and stay awhile. And this person greatly needs to have admirers in their vicinity.

My Mars is in Cancer:
Mars in Cancer can be passive-aggressive. They don't care for change or direct confrontations. They prefer to feel secure before they act on something. They would rather be well prepared. They are tenacious, and strong despite their appearance.

My Jupiter is in Libra:
Jupiter (to expand) in Libra (Diplomatic and Harmonious)You believe in (Jupiter) fairness and balance. You have charisma (Libra) and can pursuade (Jupiter) beautifully and gracefully (Libra). You seek to understand interpersonal relationships, partnerships and harmony between people. You are concerned about justice, fair play You are thoughtful (air), and often take a while to respond because you need to weigh up the pros and cons first. You bring balance and harmony to others (cardinal Libra), but your own life may be less balanced (active sign).

My Uranus is in Capricorn:
Uranus in Capricorn when well-aspected gives an ambitious and enterprising disposition, a serious, persevering nature, and an acute sense of responsibility, with original ideas of business that bring success, especially if some line is selected that is connected with the electrical or aerial arts. If Uranus is afflicted it gives an erratic and eccentric mind, self-willed and stubborn, bound to either rule or ruin, quarrelsome and at odds with society in general and relatives in particular. Hence this position gives a great deal of sorrow and trouble in life, frequently involving sudden changes of employment and environment.

My Neptune is in Capricorn:
Neptune is rather uncomfortable in Capricorn. Neptune is the planet of dreams and illusion, of the complete dissolution of boundaries. It is thus displeased with its location in the materialistic, no-nonsense sign of Capricorn. The generations born with Neptune in Capricorn are realists; they like to see their dreams turn into reality, to see their subconscious hopes come out into the conscious world.
when Neptune is afflicted in Capricorn it makes the nature melancholy, secretive and very often deceitful. These people re generally recluses and shun the society of their fellow-men.

My Pluto is in Scorpio:
The generation that is born with this placement is born into corruption. This generation however is present on this Earth at this point in time and will wield power. These are the people who bring renewal to humanity and purge it of its ills, of its inherent badness. Pluto in Scorpio is said to be the purest form of Pluto’s manifestation, it is said to be coloured by no tainted glass and no other planetary ray that disturbs its pure expression.Pluto sees falseness in everything, anything that is remotely artificial will be exposed for itself.
Pluto in Scorpio is ruled by strong emotions. Not only do they react according to their own emotions, but they can understand how others feel as well. They are drawn to activities that will involve them emotionally. Intensity is the key word for them. They how to bring things that are hidden out into the light. They fight for human rights and they have a talent for helping the unconventional become accepted. Topics that capture their interest may include the occult, sex, the mind, death, genetic engineering and cloning. Scorpio Pluto may tend towards dark thoughts. They naturally filter out the good and happy things, focusing on the darker, secret motives of those around us.

My Lilith is in Pisces:
“ And I saw her as a sad thirtieth child of Valentine that fell, not as Lucifer rebelling against God, but because she too passionately wanted to be united with him! All things in excess become sin.”

Lawrence Durrell, “The Alexandria Quartet”

Lilith in Pisces represents the dreams, fantasies, uthopia, focused on some endless horizons and the infinity of everything, which is why she sometimes feels driven out of her far house to Earth and among people that mainly do not understand her. Because of the need not to experience the end, because of the fear of losing or crumbling of ideals, these people can for years endure a strange state of life that is not of the heaven of from the Earth, believing in something that is long gone since. It is very difficult for everyone that has LI in Pisces to accept a difficult situation as it is without experiencing in the process a large psychological shock after which they usually require a long time to come back to normal and even that under the condition that a person is strong enough to conquer their own weaknesses. Otherwise nervous and psychological conditions are frequent, halucinations, drugs and opiates, medicine, anything that will pacify the true pain of the soul that life brought.

saggitarius in Ascendant:
Quick witted, Humorous, Theatrical, Oratorical, These individuals are somewhat restless and often active people. They always seem to be looking for something that is just out of grasp -- and many do this their entire lives. They can be quite direct at times, yet they are likable enough to forgive for their faux-pas. Most have a lot to say and offer. Their insights and opinions are usually interesting and exciting, although sometimes lacking in details.

Midheaven in Libra:
They prefer living in pleasant surroundings among lovely things, which give them a feeling of balance. Creativity for them is making truly beautiful works - whether physical objects, ideas, feelings, or even spiritual beauty. When they share these with the world, they touch and inspire others.

2011-05-31T01:24:00.000-07:00

happy birthday my pretty baby

may you live forever

i remember when i was a child

i didn't even

think about

getting loved

i thought life was loveless - daulmonster

2011-05-29T00:44:00.000-07:00

2011-04-10T22:07:00.000-07:00

Bold what applies to you.

I am a male.
I am a girl.
I am shorter than 5’4.
I think I’m ugly sometimes.
I have scars.
I tan easily.
I have a bad memory.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/had braces.
I wear glasses.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercing in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve been kicked out of the house.
I have a sibling less than six year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I’ve lost a child.
I’m in school.
I have a job.
I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
I almost always do/did my homework.
I drift off a lot.
I have big dreams.
I’ve missed a week or more of school.
I failed more than 1 class last year.
I’ve stolen something from my job.
I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve peed from laughing.
I’ve snorted while laughing
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I think of stupid things to do.
I’ve had my pants rip in public.
I was born with a disease/impairment.
I’ve gotten stitches/staples.
I’ve broken a bone
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
I’ve gotten a ride with someone i dont know.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Canada.
I’ve been to Mexico.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Japan.
I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I’ve been to Europe.
I’ve been to Africa.
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve been to a casino.
I’ve been skydiving.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
I’ve gone skinny dipping.
I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
I’ve had dry rum shots.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a play.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve seen the Northern lights.
I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
I’ve played chicken fight.
I’ve played a prank on someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.
I’m single.
I’ve only dated attractive people
People have only liked me cause of my looks
I’m in a relationship.
I’ve been in a long relationship
I’ve been used a lot
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I’ve used someone else.

I’ve broken someones heart.
I miss someone right now.
I know someone who has committed suicide.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
I am a cuddler.
I’ve kissed a boy.
I’ve kissed a girl.
I’ve kissed more than one girl.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.
I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve snuck out of my house.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve cheated on a test.
I’ve run a red light.
I’ve witnessed a crime.
I’ve been in a fist fight.
I’ve had people who wanted to bash me.
I’ve been arrested.
I’ve helped a friend whos passed out from alcohol.
I regularly smoke cigarettes.
I’ve tried smoking cigarettes.
I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
I’ve eaten shrooms.
I’ve popped E.
I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
I’ve done hard drugs.
I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
I have at one stage in my life been diagnosed with depression.
I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
I shut others out when I’m depressed.
I take anti-depressants.
I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
I’ve woken up crying.
I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I miss someone who I know isn’t coming back.
I’ve seen someone dying.
Someone close to me has committed suicide.
I’ve planned my own suicide.
I’ve attempted suicide.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I own an iPod or MP3 player.
I regret a lot of things I’ve done in my lifetime

2011-04-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

» Empathy Test

0 - 32 = low (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score about 20)
33 - 52 = average (most women score about 47 and most men score about 42)
53 - 63 is above average
64 - 80 is very high
80 is maximum

---------------------------------------------------------------

14

2011-03-24T23:20:00.000-07:00

2011-03-17T20:19:00.000-07:00

“ When I am lonely for boys it’s their bodies I miss. I study their hands lifting the cigarettes in the darkness of the movie theaters, the slope of a shoulder, the angle of a hip. Looking at them sideways, I examine them in different lights. My love for them is visual: that is the part of them I would like to possess.

— Margaret Atwood

I hate beautiful men because they will never love me.

2011-03-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

2011-02-18T09:49:00.000-08:00

“I’m cutting off the doll’s legs because I’m mad of her beauty.”

2011-02-14T01:43:00.000-08:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion || 10%
Stability |||||||||||| 50%
Orderliness || 10%
Accommodation |||||| 30%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 60%
Interdependence || 10%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Narcissism |||||| 30%
Adventurousness |||||| 30%
Work ethic || 10%
Conflict seeking |||| 20%
Need to dominate |||||| 30%
Romantic |||||| 30%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||||| 90%

Wealth || 10%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||| 30%
Cautiousness |||| 20%
Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Histrionic |||| 20%
Vanity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Hedonism |||||||||||||| 60%
Physical fitness |||||||||||| 50%
Religious |||||||||| 40%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 80%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||| 50%
Indie |||||||||||| 50%

Stability results were medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were very low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were very low which suggests you are extremely reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:

introverted, secretive, messy, depressed, does not like leadership, solitary, somewhat nihilistic, observer, does not make friends easily, unassertive, feels invisible, feels undesirable, hates large parties, does not like to stand out, leisurely, tough, not agressive, suspicious, submissive, abstract, unpredictable, impractical, bizzare, daydreamer, intellectual, likes rain, likes the unknown, negative, weird, not a risk taker, unadventurous, avoidant, sarcastic, strange

2011-02-13T07:27:00.001-08:00

“thinking the maiden
was somewhere hereabouts
leaves of the sacred tree
broken off by my desire
for the beloved fragrance”
—Murasaki Shikibu, Tale of Genji, chapter 10 “Sakaki”

2011-02-13T07:27:00.000-08:00

2011-02-13T07:18:00.000-08:00

2011-02-11T03:32:00.000-08:00

Color Test - Results (click to take)

Your Existing Situation

"Inclined to choose luxurious things, which are gratifying to the senses. Turned off by things which are tacky and tasteless."

Your Stress Sources

"Looking to stand out in the crowd and wanting to keep her rank and status. her current situation is irritating her because she can't seem to find anybody out there who values the same high standards she does. she is feeling isolated and wants to give in to her carnal urges, but can't bring herself to appear weak in the eyes of others. Wants others to see her unique qualities and character but can't stand to come off as needy, so instead she has an ""I don't care"" attitude and pushing people away. she turns her back on those who criticizes her behavior, but beneath her indifference is a person who is in desperate need of approval."

Your Restrained Characteristics

- Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.

- Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires.

- "Although she is able to find contentment through sexual activity, she feels hopeless to change her problems and difficulties and continues to make the best of what she has."

- Feels unhappy and isolated because she is unable to succeed in finding the cooperation and understanding she desires.

- Applies tough standards to her potential partner and demands an unrealistic perfection in her sex life.

Your Desired Objective

Is searching for a tight relationship with passion and physical fulfillment. Is focused and driven toward physical fitness and overall well-being.

Your Actual Problem

"Impressed by unique and one of a kind things, and by people with exceptional personalities. Tries to takes the characteristics she likes in other people and apply it to herself as well as coming across as a unique individual."

Your Actual Problem #2

"Is disappointed and let down, feels there is no point in making new goals as they will leave her feeling the same way. Looking for friendly, pleasant relationships with others, who will further develop her intellect. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach."

2011-02-10T08:01:00.000-08:00

2011-02-08T01:37:00.000-08:00

2011-02-05T08:33:00.000-08:00

WHAT'S THE POINT IN LIVING IF I CAN'T BE BEAUTIFUL ?

2011-02-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

The faces of those who are dying seem so happy
The faces of those who are being born seem so sad
京 [Embryo]

2011-02-05T04:24:00.000-08:00

2011-02-04T17:24:00.000-08:00

+

Magnificent building: Imagine you are in an endless desert. You are tired and thirsty after walking many hours.Now a magnificent building appears before you.

1. What appears before you is a - - - -.
2. You enter this building through the - - - -.There is a staircase leading to the next floor.
3. Which of the following types of staircase can you see?
You walk up the stairs counting the steps as you walk.
4. How many steps are there?
5. How big is the room?
6. What color are the walls?
There is a table in the room
7. What shape is the table?

Analysis:
1. Represents your priorities
2. Represents the kind of life that you seek
3. The staircase signifies your love life.
4. The number of steps signifies the number of attempts you make to keep your relationships.
5. The size of the room shows how adventurous you are.
6. The color of the room represents your character.
7. The shape of the table again shows how you handle situations.

ACACCBA

2011-02-04T14:46:00.000-08:00

“I’m falling asleep in order to hear her.”

— Fernando Pessoa

2011-02-04T14:33:00.000-08:00

"I have a very childlike rage, and a very childlike loneliness"
— Richey Edwards

2011-02-04T14:11:00.000-08:00

The key words are proportion, balance, fragility, sensuality, and androgyny.”
--- Jil Sander

escocse

2011-02-04T04:50:00.001-08:00

2011-02-04T04:49:00.001-08:00

2011-02-03T10:13:00.001-08:00

2011-02-03T10:03:00.001-08:00

2011-02-03T10:02:00.000-08:00

2011-01-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

the sky is pretty, the stars are pretty
the moon is pretty, the light is pretty
if I don’t exist, everything’s pretty
maybe it’s better if I didn’t exist
how about my blood?
Maybe it’s pretty, maybe I’ll look
式日 (2000)